Week 8 NFL Picks

Second week, third format.

A special ring in hell awaits the pastor who tends his flock past 10 on the west coast. Even 9 is too late to microwave breakfast, shed your children, pants and all, and strap yourself into your couch to witness the glory of Redbone, which is what my phone thinks I mean when I type REDZONE.

No commercials, baby. Gotta love that.

Also, 6 30 is what time I get up anyway.


WASHING MACHINE @ MEXICAN TIGERS

After getting beat at the death by Matthew Stafford, the Redskins, like the Lions, have shown us they will be in every game this year. Yes, they still got the belt, but heavy is the head that brags about the crown. It's a toss up against AJ Green, per usual. Hail Mary might be the only play left in the book by the end of the season. Beating the Browns does not a season save.


ERRIZONA @ CAROLYIN'TAYA

Carson Handler, bless his heart, seems to be getting too old for this. I wouldn't write him off just yet, struggling against Seattle is something young Fister did too. That said, you won't like Scam when he's angry, which is all the time now. Josh "Batman" Norman seems to have won Rd 1, which is as good as a death sentence in today's NFL. The defense (guided by Luke Keekley) will not show up at home.

PATRIOTS @ BLUFFALO

Shady's doubtful, and Brady's in town. Surefire Bill's win. What did I just say? A Belichek never forgets.

CHEESTEAKS @ OH BOYS

Again, this is not a Schwartz defense. It is an Oregon defense minus the yellow...and...orange?!? Men of a certain age remember Nike killed Puddles. They also killed "WHAT ARE THOSE!!!" By making me ask every single fucking game since homecoming against Cal. Did I say ducks? I meant QUACKERS.

Anyways, Carson Wentzsomewhere v. Dakota Prescott should be fun. I look forward to seeing Romantic in Cleveland (sp?) next year.

In the longest and realest game of Cowboys versus Indians this country has ever played, the Eagles win. Seriously, who is watching football this week?

CLEAVELAND @ BOING

Lyan Fitzpatrick had his statement game, and then issued a curious statement.

Saying an organization "lost faith in you" after getting your job back due to injury highlights the internal divide between the Jet's QB'S. This would not fly in New England, and will cost him the teammates who wanted to give Geno a shot at a job he lost in Kansas City. He got in to Harvard, and graduated, but somehow never learned to stop doing exactly what every backup does on the bench. Weird. I never lost faith in you, Fitz. Hope you're still readin'.

CHEESEPACKERS @ SMALL BAMBINO
 The Seattle steal, and the supercharged home loss have left a bad taste in the mouth of a team that is too good to lose a third straight game at home IMHO. Both have questions to answer on D, but all ties go to the home squad and I have not seen the Cheesers give a comprehensive defensive effort like the Zapadoses before them. Particularly against a great wideout like Mr. Jones.

The Swami sez  he was picking for GB, not against ATL, and I think he's wrong. Not by much, which is important. He got the SD-ATL perfectly right, and looked like a savant doing so. In a league where most games between playoff teams come down to the last possession  (cough NBA* cough) he is right in picking a close game that could very well go either way. We saw what Stafford did in Lame-beau, Rodgers will have to match it in Atlameta to win.

MINI-SORTA @ DOH'S BEARS

I'm assuming they got beat by Mold and now have to take on a 5-1 Norse God that was somehow humiliated by Josh Huff. Apparently, Terrance Oldman does not cover kicks... Either way, Badford needs an early lead, and a special teams TD came at exactly the wrong time. I think they take the cubbies seriously and beat them, seriously.

Between Cutlery, Meridith, Howard and Matt Barkley (did anyone know he was still around?) THE bears lack firepower.

The Cubs and Indians have the talking stick right now, and their respective football teams are being ignored by their own fan base. Not a recipe for success.

SWATTLE @ NOLEANS

I will let the chickens make a mistake before I pick against them, even in the breezy superdome. "Kick Gateghazi" in Arizona  was the boring, nil-nil draw football fans love to watch, and I will assume Jimmy Crackers gets up for this one, then declines to dunk the football.

PILLAGE PEOPLE @ PILLAGE PEOPLE

Car is sputtering, and Jaquizz just made Kaplan look pretty dumb. Pinning their recent losses on Derek would ignore that he needs 30+ points a game (and stellar WR play) to win a game. This defense will not stop this other defense. Let the shootout begin.

CHEEFS @ HORSIES

They took their show on the road to the bae-area after a bye week, which is no surprise given the teams recent history. I still have some qualms about their ability to do so consistently, but any team would play better in a stadium like Arrowhead.

Lucas Oil Stadium just doesn't create the same atmosphere. It's not a fortress. Luck can't beat this secondary without a legitimate threat to KFCseizes' front 7 in their own backfield.

I obviously don't think the Titans should have lost to Mathis, but Marita should disagree and certainly acted like it.

The Whinney's let a big lead slip late in Houston, and they were prepared to no do so again. I'm inclined to believe the men in red will outrun their horses.

LY-IN-S @ PROBLEM HERE

The real question with the kitties is health in their front 7. H who will no be named and Lame r Miller have not had much success on the ground (insert horse buggy metaphor here) or in the air with the exception of a bonkers play against some boys in blue. Mr. Miller is iffy for this game, but with Ngata and the Levy in the same boat a week away from the real Lion's den in minnie apple us, I think Blue plays very well in this one.

Oswellthatdoesn'tsuck was not alone in DEN, as much as he has struggled elsewhere. H should brush off his jersey and prepare him for D if they understand that. Stafford is simply better equipped, but he is on the road.

I think a Fuller/Tate comparison needs to be made, both will beat you if you're slow. The whole city took that loss personally and I think they get their team through this one. On paper, there is nothing that can stop M. Jones (except his daughter, who held him out of practice Wednesday).


You pick em'. I'll grade the test.  :)